FROM SERIOUS TO RIDICULOUS
Launch Week Survival Kit
Real messages for real situations, from serious to ridiculous. Pick your tone, hit Copy, done. We are not responsible for what happens after you send the funny ones.
The Launch Week Contract
Print the poster, sign it, stick it on the fridge. Make it official.
OR FILL IT IN RIGHT HERE
Type your names and pick your own end date, then print it or save it as a PDF.
The Launch Week Contract
A legally meaningless, emotionally binding agreement.
This agreement is between and , roommate, family member or anyone else who shares the remote.
- From Thursday, November 19, 2026 to , the Player may play GTA VI as much as they like.
- No standing in front of the screen during a mission, a cutscene or a chase. Violations will be noted.
- If the Player gets busted, these phrases are not allowed: “It’s just a game,” “You can try again later” and “Are you still playing?”
- Chores, errands and “quick favours” wait until the Player reaches a save point.
- The Player agrees to eat real food at least once a day and to shower at least every other day.
- The Partner may cancel ONE rule above by bringing the Player snacks without being asked.
- When the contract ends, the Player owes the Partner one night out, their choice, no complaints.
WITNESSED BY FLORIDA MAN CONFIRMED · FLORIDAMANCONFIRMED.COM
The messages
Getting the time off
Hi [manager], I’d like to book [November 19 to 20] off as vacation. My work will be covered and I’ll check in before I go. Thanks.
Hi [manager], I’m taking a personal day on [date]. Everything urgent is handled and I’ll be back on [date].
I won’t be in on the 19th. I have urgent business in Leonida and the state needs me.
Email auto reply
Thanks for your email. I’m out of the office until [date] with limited access to email. For anything urgent, please contact [name] at [email].
I’m away until [date]. If it can wait, it’ll wait. If it can’t, call [name].
I’m currently in Vice City and can’t be reached. If this is urgent, please hold until I’ve completed my current mission.
Phone and text auto reply
Hi, I’m unavailable right now. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Gaming. Back soon. If it’s an emergency, call twice.
The person you are trying to reach is in a heist. Please do not walk in front of the TV.
The calendar heads up
Put it in the shared calendar a week ahead, so nobody is surprised.
November 19 to [date]: GTA VI launch. I’ll be playing a lot that week. Let’s plan a proper night out on [date] after.
Heads up: the game I’ve waited 13 years for comes out on the 19th. I love you. See you on the other side.
November 19: Gone fishing. In Leonida. Bring snacks, not chores.
Flowers and the apology note
Book it ahead so it lands the day after launch.
Thank you for your patience this week. You mean more to me than any game. Dinner is on me this weekend.
I know I disappeared. These are for putting up with me. I’m back.
Roses are red, Vice City is too. I finally saved my game, and now I’m all yours.
Stock the fridge
Tick it off as you shop, so you never have to pause.
Delivery tips
Getting fed without hitting pause.
- Order between 4 and 5 pm to beat the dinner rush.
- Leave a note at the door so you don’t have to get up mid mission.
- Save your usual order so it’s two taps away.
- Tip well. They’re feeding you through the biggest week of the year.
The comeback plan
How to rejoin society once the dust settles.
Catch up on messages, check in with work, and plan a night out with the people who covered for you.
Shower. Open a window. Text your mom back.
Step outside. That bright light is called the sun. It’s free and the graphics are incredible.
Survived launch week? Show us your setup, your stocked fridge or your signed contract.